School Lied It's What's on the Outside That Counts!
by Puck's Favourite Girl
Summary: Set during the Soul Switch arc, Hijikata in Gin's body experiences life with the Yorozuya up close and personal. For someone who has the emotional range of a teaspoon, he does enough bonding to last him a lifetime. "Hey you shitty old man, it's rude to ignore a lady." Hijikata grunts and hopes if he ignores her hard enough, she'll go away and let him sleep. Yorozuya/ dadtoki fluff


"Ok, we just have to live our lives as the other." Hijikata said, though his voice was Gintoki's and his mouth formed the syllables with a drawl he didn't know he could do.

It was strange, seeing your own body in front of you, making faces you wouldn't dream of making. It was sacrilegious is what it was. But Hijikata was resolved not to complain. Discipline was key. Especially in situations as obscene and ridiculous as the one they were in now. He shook his head. Honestly, he always ended up in these kinds of messes when he was around the Yorozuya boss. Hijikata's fingers twitched to where his handcuffs would be before twisting his lip and dropping his hand. When this was all over, he was going to arrest that droopy eyed bastard once and for all.

As his resolve strengthened him and Hijikata was beginning to feel just a little less bitter, he felt a hand grasp the back of his head and send him shooting face first towards the floor. "Found you…" two eerie voices chuckled behind him, waves of bad vibes oozing out of them.

Flinching, Hijikata turned his head, just a little alarmed, to see the two Yorozuya brats glaring down at him like he was the scum of the earth. Considering whose body he was in, Hijikata couldn't say he was surprised. With demands of salaries and fair payment, he looked up to see his own face gush with relief before quickly slackening and donning the Demon Vice-Chief's usual no nonsense expression. "What a scumbag, how low can you get, not even paying your own employees?" Gintoki scoffed, thanking his lucky stars that his identity was masked behind his current nicotine ridden body.

As Gintoki saw the betrayal flash in Hijikata's- technically his- eyes, he struggled to hide the childish glee at passing on his kids' brutal punishments onto the pest that was Hijikata. However, when Sougo blew him up smiling like a kid in a candy store (except this kid had no soul and was probably hiding the keys of hell somewhere) he swore he saw a flash of a smirk in Hijikata's eyes. Served the bastard right.

Hijikata was dragged by the back of his shirt like an ingrate, his ears berated with complaints and reprimands. Honestly, had their boss _ever_ paid them? Were they always this ripped off!? No wonder the glasses kid complained so much. However, as soon as they reached the Yorozuya office, being home seemed to mellow to the two kids out. "Kagura-chan, just dump him in front of the bathroom to clean up so we can make dinner."

"Ayyyeee." Kagura drawled, letting go of Hijikata's collar so he fell unceremoniously to the floor and Hijikata had to wonder how Gintoki hadn't combusted from brutal humiliation yet.

He watched her walk into the kitchen, clapping her hands excitedly as Shinpachi pulled out some chicken legs from the freezer. "No more egg over rice!" she cheered, her voice piercing in the quiet.

Hijikata rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed.

Dinner was a loud affair. Kagura's chopsticks moved faster than light as she shoveled food into her mouth like a garbage disposal. Beside her, Shinpachi occasionally would tell her to slow down or save some space for dessert- "Shinpachi, I have a separate stomach for dessert you know that, yes"- Hijikata didn't really know if she was joking, but wouldn't be surprised either way. At some point, Kagura paused in her gluttony to flash a concerned look at her boss, "Hey, Gin-chan, are you alright? We didn't actually hurt you did we?" her eyes sweet with care.

Hijikata coughed, looking away. It had been a long time since anyone had looked at him like that. "I'm fine, don't worry."

Kagura grinned, content enough with his answer to dig back into her meal with gusto, "Good."

After Kagura had scraped the last grain of rice into her mouth and Shinpachi drank the last of the tea, Hijikata stood up curtly, helping to clear the table. Feeling unsettled at not knowing where anything was, he felt a curious heat on the back of his neck and turned around to find two stunned faces. "Hey, hey Shinpachi, am I hallucinating? I'm hallucinating aren't I!" Kagura whispered frantically, bringing Shinpachi's face closer to hers.

Looking just as petrified, Shinpachi rubbed his eyes, "We must be having one of those collective hallucinations because I'm seeing the same thing!"

"Gin-chan! Have you finally become a responsible member of this household and help out your mother and father!" Kagura shrieked.

Swatting her head, Shinpachi's hands flew to his waist, looking unamused, "I don't want to hear that from you Kagura-chan! Mother? You're just as spoiled a brat as Gin-san is!"

"Dad!" she cried, fake globby tears adding to her theatrics as Kagura threw herself over the couch wailing about domestic abuse and how kids don't understand the sacrifices parents made.

Feeling his eyebrow twitching at the ridiculous skit, Hijikata dumped the dishes in the sink, throwing his hands up in the air, "Fine! Fine! If it's so offensive to you that I help I'll just sit here and do nothing!" feeling only slightly petulant- within the acceptable range for a police officer!- Hijikata plopped down on the couch suddenly feeling very out of place and very unlike himself.

"If Gin-chan's gonna do nothing then so am I, yes!" Kagura declared, flopping down next to him, settling her head into his lap. "Gin-chan, move your leg up so I can see the TV." She ordered, already flicking through channels with the remote, one finger jammed into her ear.

"Oy brat, what do you think you're doing?" Hijikata growled, trying to shove the little girl off, getting more frustrated by the second as she evaded his attempts without even looking.

"TV's always more fun with Gin-chan." Kagura grinned, a warm smile that was just a little cheeky but filled with endearment that sent Hijikata's heart for a lurch. "And Shinpachi too! He always knows which channels to put!"

Shaking his head fondly, Shinpachi wiped his hands on the dish towel before walking over to the living room, sitting on the adjacent couch. "All I do is read the TV guide, you could do it too you know."

"Why do anything if you can get someone else to do it for you?" Kagura teased sticking out her tongue.

Shinpachi whipped a pillow in her direction like a missile, not even bothering to look to know Kagura would catch it with one hand and snuggle into it. "Pachiii! Movieeee!"

Hijikata watched them banter and suddenly felt exhausted. Everything was too chaotic, with no order or rule. The kids did what they wanted whenever they felt like it, living on whims and spontaneity. Hijikata couldn't wrap his head around it, how people could live their lives so lackadaisically. But as the movie played and Shinpachi turned out the lights, as bags of popcorn were passed around (Kagura taking three just for herself much to Shinpachi's chagrin), he felt his body draining of its tension all on its own accord. This is how Gintoki must relax he thought. Because his body felt heavy and warm and his hand had reached out to Kagura's hair on its own accord before he stopped it, feeling awkward at the thought. Despite that, he understood a little, why Gintoki was so attached to these brats, no matter how obnoxious and loud and just all round ridiculous they were.

Because even with that, ultimately, they were kind.

The screen faded to black and Kagura yawned, her eyes droopy and hair falling out of her buns so that it cascaded over her eyes. "Gin-chaaaaan, let's watch another one." She was so tired she slurred her words a little and Hijikata forced himself not to think about how endearing it is.

Instead, he poked her face away from his and stood up to leave. "It's late, and we have an early day tomorrow."

Shinpachi smiled, "It's nice to see you so serious about work Gin-san, maybe we'll actually make some money tomorrow." The bite behind the words died with his laugh.

Before leaving, Shinpachi put Gin's desk in order, throwing out the candy wrappers and milk cartons, checking the agenda book and double checking the appointment times before going to the kitchen and taking stock. Adding a few more things to the weekly shopping list he kept pinned on the fridge, Shinpachi took one last look around before waving goodbye. Hijikata watched him from the corner of his eye, and raised a hand in acknowledgement. He was a good kid that Shinpachi.

In the silence, Hijikata craved a cigarette.

* * *

It was late, that much Hijikata knew. He was sure the clock had ticked long past the am but still, his body was tense with consciousness and sleep was far away. This wasn't his futon or his room or even his part of town. Nothing he did made him feel any more comfortable and the irritation wouldn't leave him. He sighed, turning over for the millionth time, back facing his door, before wondering if he should just give up and stay awake till morning. The fatigue ate away at his senses, but at the sound of his door sliding open, his body coiled up and his fingers clenched around his sword. But a voice, so small in the gaping night, eased his fingers off the hilt. "Gin-chan?"

Kagura's footsteps were light as she walked nearer, like she was afraid of making a mark of her existence. Hijikata stayed silent, suddenly feeling unsure and unsettled and very, very, panicked. Did Kagura come in often in the middle of the night? Was that perm haired good-for-nothing doing perverted things to her?! He'd arrest that bastard this second! But Kagura's presence was so very tiny for a girl who lived her life so big that Hijikata paused. What was he supposed to do when a teenage girl, too tall to be just a kid, but still so small to be anything but, crawled onto his mat in the middle of the night with a voice so heavy with invisible scars?

Kagura peeled back a section of his blanket and slipped in behind him, her silly attitude chained with the weight of her nightmares. Hijikata could feel her warmth seep into his skin despite the distance she kept save for one hand that clutched the back of his shirt in her palm. "Gin-chan." She whimpered again and Hijikata was frozen with ineptitude.

What would her pain in the ass boss say right now? Would he make a joke? Would he offer some advice? Or would he say something stupid, that somehow eased the soul in the way only he knew how. Hijikata didn't know. So he did what he did best and bore with people's feelings with silence and showing his back, broad and strong.

"Hey you shitty old man, it's rude to ignore a lady." But her words sounded more like routine than insulting.

"This shitty old man is trying to sleep." He grunted and then smacked himself for talking.

Kagura was quiet for a few minutes, listening to Hijikata breathe. And like she can't contain it anymore, it came gushing out. "I see his face." She whispered, "I see my brother's face and there's blood everywhere. Mami's dead and he's crying but his tears are red and all of the sudden, Papi's there and there's fighting and that idiot brother of mine, that idiot Kamui leaves and Papi leaves and I'm all by myself on the planet that always rains."

Hijikata knew the story, knew the skeletons that haunt Kagura, knew that she killed, knew that she's fought until her body broke only to curse her life when she healed again and again. It's something that's come up in the years that they've all known each other. Probably over drinks… with that shitty boss of hers…the boss who tried his best. But it didn't make him feel any less heavy.

"Always…I'm always being left behind." Kagura's voice shook, "And I…I don't want to be alone. But one day you…one day you might-" and Hijikata suddenly couldn't justify his inaction because he was in Gintoki's body which meant he needed to act like him. And he was a police officer, a _samurai_ , he had integrity, and he knew without a doubt, not to play around with things Gintoki would kill for.

And he knew, he knew that with all that guy's faults and weaknesses, that he was loyal and cared to the point of destruction. He would topple countries for his friends. He didn't want to imagine what he would do if it were for those kids. And he knew, with so much certainty, that Gintoki would never leave Kagura alone. That she would always be home. Because when she stepped through the door, without him even knowing, the bloodlust and instinct to attack had melted away all on its own accord.

"Gin-chan's not going anywhere." He said with such conviction Kagura's eyes widen, "You're never going to be alone." Kagura's forehead pressed up against his back and he felt her sniffle.

"Don't sound so needy Gin-chan, it's gross." Her voice is watery, but he can hear the smile in her words and the relief she tries to hide. Crisis averted, Hijikata's tension eased away enough to send him into his dreams. (and he was sure, by the way Kagura's breath stayed steady that she only dreamt of happy things, not that he's concerned).

Hijikata wakes up at exactly 7:30 am so he has enough time to get ready before officially starting the day. He opens his eyes to see that in the middle of the night he had turned around so that he faced Kagura and had thrown a haphazard arm over her waist. Kagura's sleeping face was exactly as childish and slobbery as he imagined it. Hijikata's appraising eyes rested on her for only a second before he rubbed away the sleep. Those kids were trouble, but Hijikata decided then and there that he liked them enough to change them and so abruptly shook her awake.

Groaning, Kagura rubbed her eyes, "Gin-chan?" she asked blearily.

"Get up." He commanded, "It's time for a new Yorozuya."

The shock on her face as she viewed the time just further built up his disappointment in the real Gintoki's leadership. He'll show him. Show him what a Yorozuya with discipline could accomplish. But something about the resolve tinged with curiosity in Kagura and Shinpachi's eyes when he arrived ebbed away at the spirit of competition within him. If Hijikata was having just a little bit of fun, well, no one needed to know.

* * *

Hijikata is finally back in his body and he finally feels normal. The cigarette at his lips is the best thing he's ever tasted and despite the stupidity of how they all went back to normal, even the dung-hybrids his friends had become, Hijikata's as content as he's ever felt. So when he turns around when someone calls his name, he feels nothing but his stomach dropping as he realizes it's the man who's body he'd been occupying for the past couple days. "I don't want to see your face for a really long time." He groans, his smoke curling in the air.

Gin's nose wrinkles up, "The feeling's mutual. I just came to ask what the hell you did to Kagura." And Gin looks pleasant enough but his stance is just a little too confrontational for Hijikata's liking.

But, Hijikata's also the same man who's faced his own subordinate's bazooka in his face countless times and the biting edge of his sword more, so he doesn't even flinch and returns to looking out over the bridge. "I don't know what you're talking about." Though he has a sinking feeling that he _does._

Gin's arm is tucked into his kimono and he shrugs, waving his other hand in the air in a placating gesture, "Sure, sure, so she just gets so frazzled when anybody mentions you because she has a crush on you." He stills, and his eyes look just a little manic too be normal, "She doesn't, does she? I'll kill you, you know. She's not allowed to date until she's thirty and definitely not to someone three times her age! What did you say to her in Gin-san's body?!"

Gin's gotten dangerously close and Hijikata's frustration grows as he whirls around, feet spreading apart in a battle stance. "Huuhhh?" he demands, "I was ready to arrest you when that brat came into my room in the middle of the night you lolicon-"

Gin pauses, his mafia boss demeanor melting away. "She had a nightmare?" he asks, and his hand threads through his hair, masking his concern.

Hijikata unclenches his hand from his sword hilt and takes another drag. "Yeah." He answers simply, "About her…other family. I don't know, the kid has abandonment issues just like the rest of us."

Gin snorts at that, turning so that his hands rest casually over the bridge railing and looking in the opposite direction. "And?" he pushes, "I bet she punched you." He sniggered, "Because you have the emotional aptitude of a rock."

Hijikata's punch lands squarely to his nose and he has the audacity to look pleased enough that Gin's foot launches out on its own to knock the officer on his ass. "You bastard!" they both cry out before looking away in disgust at their synchronicity.

Hijikata gets up, already turning to walk away because he's the Vice Chief and he has better things to do then hang around some deadbeat single dad who pushed his blood pressure higher than was healthy. "She didn't punch me. She slept the whole night next to her precious Gin-chan because I told her you would never abandon her." He stops, and turns his head around with piercing eyes.

Gin frowns, avoiding Hijikata's gaze and making a point to start walking back from where he came with a dramatic spin. "I wish she had punched you." He mutters, but he pauses, scowls and yells out, "But that's the first time she's ever said anything like that and it seems like she felt better so-"

Hijikata snorts, secretly wishing the kid _had_ punched him so this whole conversation wouldn't have happened but proceeds to walk away. "If you're going to thank me, don't. I was just trying to keep in character. I wasn't wrong was I?" he challenges, partly to bother him because they both know he's right and Hijikata ignores the relieved part of him.

"Screw you!" he hears in the distance, "I would've said something better!" and with that, Hijikata rounds a corner, far away from the emotionally constipated samurai and snuffs out his cigarette.

A bullet whizzes past his nose and he stops only for a second before yelling at a slightly crestfallen Sougo at having missed once again. As Sougo challenges him to a sword fight, Hijikata feels less mad than he should and at Kondo's boisterous laugh, feels a bit better than content.

If home is a feeling, then maybe this is it.


End file.
